Becoming a Better Ally

The Gathering

Feb 8

We began our January 31st discussion with a compassion practice. In this meditation, we made the resolve to recognize suffering, and to respond to that suffering with love and compassion. We made this resolve to ourselves, to other people in our lives, and finally to all beings everywhere.

Compassion is essential to becoming a better ally. To look at the world with compassion means that we are willing to see things as they are, even when faced with atrocity. It means that, when faced with the ugly realities of the world, we are not overwhelmed with rage or stunned into a state of inaction. We allow ourselves to feel the anger or the shock, but then we move forward, choosing to learn, listen, and take necessary action. Practicing compassion also means that we are willing to acknowledge and reflect on our own past mistakes, and hold ourselves accountable for the ways in which we have unintentionally benefited from or upheld oppressive social structures. We hold ourselves accountable without self-hatred, resolving to do better next time.

Defining Performative Allyship

Our discussion centered around Holiday Phillips’ article, Performative Allyship is Deadly (And What to Do Instead). We first looked at the four characteristics of performative allyship on social media.

The post is usually simple—a few words, an image or whatever the going hashtag is (in the aesthetic of their personal brand, of course). Performative allyship refuses to engage with the complexity below the surface or say anything new.
It almost always expresses itself as outrage, disbelief, or anger “at the injustice.” But your outrage isn’t useful — if anything, it’s a marker of your privilege, that to you racism is still surprising. Trust me when I say this is not so for black, indigenous, and people of color (BIPOC) for whom racism is an everyday reality.
It refuses to acknowledge any personal responsibility for the systemic issues that provided the context for the relevant tragedy. Instead, it looks at a villain “out there” — a crooked police officer or a heartless conservative. It separates you (good) from them (bad).
Perhaps most noticeable, it’s usually met with praise, approval, or admiration for the person expressing it. That is its lifeblood.

(Note: the above excerpt is quoted directly from the article.)

It takes courage to admit that you have participated in performative allyship, but doing so is the first step to changing for the better. Nobody wants to reveal that they have taken harmful actions or participated in systems of oppression. The good news is that you don’t have to make a self-flagellating social media post about it. You can admit it to yourself, and then make the resolve to learn how to take on meaningful social justice work. If you have a trusted friend, family member, or mentor, you may also want to discuss your new resolve with them.

Being a Genuine Ally

In her article, Holiday Phillips gives three suggestions for how to actually serve as an ally.

Act with your wallet. If you are disgusted by the centuries of state-sponsored theft from black, Asian, and indigenous people’s lands, then support BIPOC-owned businesses. […]
Call out people in real life. You know what does have mass influence? Systemic white apathy and privilege. […] Ask your BIPOC friends about their experiences of racism and listen. Engage in ways to confront your own biases.
Do something that no one will ever know. Sometimes real activism requires us to step up and shout. But far more often, it requires us to carry out simple daily acts that no one will ever see. […] Challenge yourself to do things quietly, like changing the things you buy, giving your platform to a BIPOC, or educating yourself on the history of racism without telling everyone about how educated you now are. That way, you know you’re really down for the cause — and not the cause of looking like a woke person. […]

(Note: In the interest of space, the above passage is an excerpt.)

There are many ways to be a genuine ally. Use your strengths to figure out what works for you. Find strategies to compensate for your weaknesses. If calling your elected officials fills you with anxiety, call after hours and leave a voicemail. Take time to educate yourself. Try listening to a social justice podcast on your daily commute to stay abreast of important issues. If you want more information on how to call people out in real life, read our blog post from our December 10th Gathering. Remember that you can start small. Change happens through consistent habits sustained over time. Figure out some small ways that you can make social justice a daily practice.

Know the Difference Between Action and Reaction

One of the most effective ways that we can be a good ally is to know the difference between action and reaction. Action is a deliberate choice we make; reaction is an instantaneous response. When you feel reactive, consider taking time to pause, regroup, and think about strategy. If you see a performative social media post, think about what tactics you want to use to address the issue.

People in positions of privilege also have a responsibility to be active rather than reactive in response to tragedies such as the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. We have a duty to act in solidarity, but rushing to offer a hot take on Twitter, a meme on Instagram, or to express shock and outrage on Facebook is not helpful. In fact, it causes harm. If you’re confused about what to post on social media, consider focusing on actionable information, such as how to contribute to legal funds or mutual aid organizations. Take time to listen and learn, so you can figure out when you have a responsibility to speak up, and when you have a responsibility ensure that marginalized voices get heard.

Everything is Connected

Even when we commit to supporting businesses owned by marginalized groups, engaging in political action, and protesting (when it’s safe to do so), we also have to accept the fact that we’re going to need to order items from Amazon, purchase something from a company that supports prison labor, or take some other action that makes us complicit in oppressive systems. The fact is that we live in a world where it’s nearly impossible to live a life of progressive purity. If your city doesn’t have great public transit, it may not be feasible for you to give up your car when you have to get to work on time. When you’re traveling, your options might be fast food or going hungry. When you have a bad day, you might take it out on the tech support representative who definitely doesn’t deserve it. We’re all human, and we don’t have the energy to be perfect all day every day. If you feel guilty about that purchase at a big box store, give yourself a little grace. Remember also that we don’t know what other people are going through; someone might shop almost exclusively at Amazon because they have a disability, and Prime delivery is their most reliable way to get what they need. We are all doing our best to survive.

Calls to Action

Contemplate: Reflect on your mistakes and commit to becoming a better ally.

What are some of the struggles you’ve had with performative allyship in the past few years? Do you see your behavior represented in Holiday Phillips’ article?
What do you think are some ways that we can strike a balance between the need for visible representation of solidarity and the dangers of performative allyship?
What is one simple way that you can engage in helpful forms of allyship on a regular basis?
What scares you most about making a change in your activist behavior? What might help you mitigate that fear?

Learn: Take a look at the resources we shared before, during, and after our meeting.

Performative Allyship is Deadly (And What to Do Instead), an article about how to recognize and change performative behavior, by Holiday Phillips.
Twitter and Tear Gas: The Power and Fragility of Networked Protest, a book that analyzes the role that new media has in contemporary protest, by Zeynep Tufecki.
#identity: Hashtagging Race, Gender, Sexuality, and Nation, an anthology focused on the impact of Twitter on social movements, edited by Keith Feldman and Abigail de Kosnik.
How White Women Can Use Their Privilege to End Racism, an article with further suggestions about how to be a social justice advocate, by Tikia K. Hamilton, Ph.D.
103 Things White People Can Do for Racial Justice, another article filled with action items, by Corinne Shutack.

Act: Make activism a daily practice.

Decide how you can make social justice a regular habit. Schedule it into your day, and honor your commitment.
If you have the means to do so, sign up for a diversity and equity training, ideally one run by someone from a marginalized community. Consider seeing if your workplace can subsidize the training, and get your colleagues on board.
When you see examples of performative allyship online, make it a point to address the issue in a direct yet compassionate way. Many people find that it’s easier to have the conversation face-to-face, on the phone, or via direct message, rather than hashing things out in a public forum.
Diversify your media consumption. Whether it’s news, movies, books, or social media, look to broaden your horizons. Remember that when you see something you disagree with, you don’t have to respond right away.

Give: If you have the means to do so, make financial contributions to equity work.

Support MediaJustice, an organization advocating for free and open internet, while demanding Big Tech accountability and fighting against digital surveillance and high-tech prisons.
The Dolores Huerta Foundation is an organization that provides community organizer training, as well as engaging in public policy work and advocacy endeavors. One of their current initiatives is ensuring that all essential workers in Central Valley, CA have KN95 masks.
Antisemitism has been on the rise, and it’s not going away. Make a contribution to the Anti-Defamation League to help fund advocacy and support for Jewish people in the United States.
Contribute to our Community Fund, which goes toward making our mark in the wellness world more equitable. Members and corporate clients can contribute monthly or as one-time gifts that go to pay our teachers to offer free classes. We also use the Community Fund to offer scholarship spots reserved for marginalized folks for all of our workshops and events.

Share: Ways you can support our work.

Send this blog post to someone you know who wants to become a better ally.
More perspective = more opportunity for understanding. Share your thoughts and experiences with us. Invite folks to the next conversation.
Spread the word about future Gatherings on social media.